Trusting God with Not Trusting Him:
It Seems Like an Oxymoron
Written By Samantha Ann Waring-Jolicoeur
I’m learning from God that there are different levels of maturity in trusting Him. I admit I don’t always trust God the way that I think I do and hope that I will when situations occur. Some situations I do and then there are times I find that it can be difficult. It is not until I am faced with those extremely trying situations, that I see where my trusting God is wanting and needs to be developed. That is when I hear His Holy Spirit reminding me of the verse Lord I believe help thou my unbelief (Mark 9:24). This gives me some comfort and relief from the sadness I feel at the sight of my heart’s failure to trust Him like I should. Then comes my repentance “Sorry Lord, I don’t trust you with this (whatever the situation may be)”. Thank God that He knows, He already knew before I did that my heart would waver, and He readily forgives me. I am also reminded that He transforms us from glory to glory and that means there is always room for growth in the area of trusting Him. He is invested in developing trust in Him in various areas, thus the good work He began continues.
I use to be so quick to feel ashamed and horrible when I didn’t trust God and take Him at His word when disappointment, hardship, and/or adverse situations transpired. To me it was a very grave offense because I know that God can do anything, is perfect, and with Him all things are possible. I’ve experience some ups and downs in the trusting God department and know I will in the future. I think it is all a part of growth and understanding that my heart and flesh will fail, but God is the strength of my heart and life. Now my perspective is quite different. I know I will mature in trusting Him and there is no need to feel hopeless or despair over falling short when it comes to trusting Him. This leads me to these questions. What if I told you, that uttering Lord I believe help thou my unbelief demonstrates some level of trust? What if I told you that confessing to God that you don’t fully trust Him shows a measure of trust in Him? I say it seems like an oxymoron. I believe this confession shows trust and in and of itself is a part of pouring out one’s heart to Him. Psalm 62:8 states:
Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah.
The Contemporary English Version reads:
Trust God, my friends, and always tell him each of your concerns. God is our place of safety.
Here we read the psalmist admonishing the people to trust God at all times, to pour out their hearts to God (share the concerns of their heart) and encouraging them that God is a place of safety. This gives me great comfort knowing I can tell God anything, even my deep concern that I am failing Him at the aforementioned admonishment before pour out your heart before Him, which is to Trust in Him at All Times. In other words, my prayer may sound something like this “God I am sorry I am not trusting you right now. I have trust issues and I have trust issues with you. Please help me. Lord I believe. Remove from me unbelief.” Yes, it takes some measure of trust to admit such an offense to God. Why would I not trust Him? Is He not worthy of trusting? Yes, He is and therefore I should be trusting Him, but my heart has failed Him. Oh! but my friend, He indeed understands why. He knows the past trust issues, previous disappointments, pain, suffering, feelings of fear, and distress associated with the situation, that causes my heart to go awry and not trust Him in that moment. Still His loving hand keeps it, towards trusting Him, and heals the hidden wounds that causes mistrust to emerge in grievous moments.
God is a safe place for us to pour out our confessions and concerns whatever they may be, even the ones of unbelief and mistrust and indeed, all trust is not lost. If you are experiencing trust issues with God, don’t despair. He understands and you can repent of the mistrust and talk with him about it. He does not despise your affliction of the heart. He is near to the broken hearted and save those contrite of spirit (Psalm 34:18). Deeper trust is being developed when feeling of mistrust is confessed. God and you can get to and deal with the underlying causes of mistrust. He is the one that teaches us to trust Him and births sustaining trust in Him deep within our hearts (part of growing in a relationship – learning to trust Him). Also keep it mind, this is a life long journey of growing and getting to know God. We never arrive on this side of glory. There will always be room for growth in the area of trusting God. God is not caught of God by your shortcomings and your inability to trust Him and in and of yourself. He is invested in teaching you and I how to always trust Him because He indeed is trust worthy.
Be Encouraged In Christ,
Samantha Ann Waring-Jolicoeur